"1, 2... 1, 2, 3, 4!"
Waking up to Raspberry Beret, I extended my hand over to my flip phone jamming out on my desk and turned off its alarm before Prince had the chance to tell me he was working part-time in a five-and-dime. My eyes, halfway open, suddenly lit up as I noticed a text message flashing across my screen:
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Well, shoot. Is that not just the sweetest text from my boyfriend? Oh, wait... Just kidding. He's not actually my boyfriend.
Story of my life.
From middle school skaters, high school jocks, southern fraternity boys, to twenty something hipsters, I typically had someone whom I was emotionally invested in. And even though these guys treated me like their girlfriend, I never heard the words, "Will you go on a date with me?" or "Will you be my girlfriend?"
And because these relationships were never clearly defined, expectations were either met, exceeded, or deflated.
Remember the scene in 500 Days of Summer when Tom gets invited to Summer's party? Split down the center of the screen, the left side depicts Tom's expectations of what will happen, while the right side simultaneously shows the reality of what is actually happening.
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Specifically, it hadn't occurred to me that the "good morning text guy" might not feel the same way as me. The expectation that he would ask me on a date didn't align with the reality of his rejection.
At first, I felt like I "crushed it" because I put myself out there by making my feelings known to my crush...
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...but then I was the one who got crushed because he didn't feel the same way.
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I'm being dramatic... but you get the gif.
I was completely convinced that this person I was emotionally invested in would be my first boyfriend. And that having him as my boyfriend would make me happier.
You should know upfront, this is not a love story... Tom grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy until the day he met "the one." And when Tom meets Summer on January 8th, he knows almost immediately she is who he has been searching for. -500 Days of Summer
As you can see, 500 Days of Summer is one of my favorites, mainly because it's relatable, honest and has an impressive soundtrack. Tom, the protagonist, develops a crush, falls in love, and hits rock-bottom rejection. And after several weeks of shutting the world out, something snaps inside of him.
Tom experiences hope.
He quits his job and rediscovers his passion for architecture. And along the way of pursuing his dreams, Tom meets a girl at a job interview.
Girl at Interview: Have I seen you before?
Tom: Me? I don't think so.
Girl at Interview: Do you ever go to Angela's Plaza?
Tom: Yes... That's like my favorite spot in the city.
Girl at Interview: Yeah, except for the parking lots.
Tom: Yeah, yeah I agree.
Girl at Interview: Yeah, yeah I think I've seen you there.
Tom: Really?
Girl at Interview: Yeah...
Tom: I haven't seen you.
Girl at Interview: You must not have been looking...
Tom: ...
Did you catch that? "You must not have been looking." Tom was so convinced that Summer was the one who he had been searching for. And yet, their relationship didn’t work out. And I’m convinced it didn’t work out for a reason. I know, I know, “it’s just a movie,” but think about it:
The person you want to be with may not be the person you're supposed to be with.
God opens doors. God closes doors. And when a relationship with a guy doesn't work out, I tirelessly search for the key or some sort of Mission Impossible contraption to unlock the door. I sit and stare. I beg and plead. I bang and kick.
When I found out the "good morning text guy" was talking to another girl, I felt dejected. I found myself falling into a pity party of comparison to the point of questioning my value and worth:
What's wrong with me?
Am I not pretty enough?
Am I not funny enough?
Am I not WOW enough?
What's the point of experiencing feelings of a break-up when I never even dated the guy in the first place? It's just not fair God.
In The Christian Atheist: Believing in God, But Living as if He Doesn't Exist, author Craig Groeschel asks, "Where is God when life's not fair?"
When we've been hurt, let down, deeply disappointed, we wonder if God is there. And if he is there, does he even care? And if he cares, why doesn't he do anything about it? -The Christian Atheist
But Groeschel emphasizes the good news that God is not fair.
Psalm 103: 10-12 says, “[God] does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
No matter what, we can be thankful to God that he doesn't always give us what we deserve. When it comes to our sins, thank God that he is not fair. -The Christian Atheist
Why is it so easy for me to forget just how much God cares for me? Not only does he value and know me personally, but he comforts me in my disappointment.
Ultimately, God relates with our rejection.
[Jesus] was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all. Isaiah 53: 3-6
At the end of the day, the rejection we face in life is God's protection.
I can't force God to open the door and I can't force someone to like me. I don't want to be expectant of something that could very well never happen at all. If I only focus on my plans and what I think is best, I miss out on God's plans and what he knows is best.
And even if my expectations don't align with reality, God is still good.