Before the days of texting, friending, Tweeting, Snapchatting, double-tapping, and proudly displaying a Top 8 on Myspace, us 90s kids had AIM (AOL Instant Messenger).
Since Facebook stalking that cute guy from gym class wasn't an option, I had to find out his current relationship status through the gym locker room gossip. And as soon as I found out my crush was single, I just had to let him know I was interested.
Signing on to AIM, my heart skipped a beat when I saw my crush's familiar ScreenName at the top of my "Buddy List."
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To message him or to not message him? That was the question.
But then I lost all hope when his allusive "Away Message" popped up saying he'll "BRB." Maybe I'll just try again same time tomorrow? (Because talking to my crush face-to-face never occurred to me in middle school).
I waited... and waited... and waited until my crush took down his "Away Message". Pathetic, but true. Needless to say, I became a pro at Solitaire.
Ding.
Oh, snap. He's back online. Too impatient for the guy to make the first move, I messaged my crush first. I just had to let him know that I was available for the 8th Grade Dance. What's a girl gotta do to get a slow dance to Nickelback around here?
On the night of the dance, I remember walking through the double doors and immediately spotting my crush on the other side of the gymnasium with the popular clique. The butterflies kicked in. After shaking it like a Polaroid picture with my girl squad, the music mellowed to a softer slow dance. Chords of "I'm Here Without You Baby" by 3 Doors Down began to play.
Okay, Ash. This is it. Now or never.
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I nervously walked up to my crush, tapped him on the shoulder, and asked if he'd like to dance with me. He said yes!
BOLD, Ash. Way to be bold.
Halfway through the angsty song, one of my guy friends tried to cut in and dance with me. My crush's response: "No way! She's my girl!" Ayyyy!
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So as you can see, I'm an activator, a go-getter type of girl. I turn my thoughts into action. And when it comes to liking someone, it's hard for me to just sit around and not do something about it. I tend to be the initiator. I'll message him, add him as a friend on social media, ask him out to coffee, etc. I put myself out there.
I remember this one time I asked my 5th-grade crush if he would sign my yearbook. Now granted, this kid had no idea I existed so it made sense as to why he was confused at my request. He laughed and asked, "Why?" (As in, Why on earth would I sign some weird girl's yearbook?) He took my green gel pen and signed it anyway.Â
And then there were the times I've confessed my feelings to guys I've liked in the past, four to be exact. FOUR FREAKING TIMES.
BOLD, Ash. Way to be bold.
Again, I'm someone who makes a decision, takes action, looks at the result, and learns. But as much as I put myself out there, deep down, I desire to be pursued. Is it possible to do both?
In The Refined Collective Podcast, Kat Harris reveals "How to Put Yourself Out There and Still Be Pursued."
"As a woman of dignity, as a woman of honor, as a woman who wants to be pursued, there are ways that you can put yourself out there that are healthy and honorable." -Kat Harris
Essentially, men are not mind-readers.
When it comes to having a crush on someone, Harris says we must communicate our needs by creating vulnerability and honesty. Harris sees this as an invitation, not a demand. Second, Harris encourages us to be curious, allowing ourselves to get to know the person who sparks our interest.
And finally, we must create space. Harris asks, "What are you doing in your life to create space for the thing that you really want and long for?" We must create space for interactions with single men who share the same values we look for in a partner.
It's not manipulative; it's intentional. It's putting yourself out there while still being pursued.
Amen, sister.
I recently had a conversation with a friend about her season of liking one of her guy friends. During those months, she fervently prayed to God about the desires of her heart. Resting in God's plan for her life, whether that meant a relationship or friendship, she put herself out there by being curious and engaging in conversation with her friend as well as creating space to get to know him in group settings.
And in those months, he called to ask her out on a date. He pursued her.
So if you currently have a crush on someone, trust God in the unknown. There is beauty in this season of, "Does he feel the same way as me? Should I ask him to hang out? Should I tell him I like him?"
For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
Rest in the fact that God is in control. There is nothing you can do to thwart His purpose and plans for your life. Delight in this truth: God pursues you, and has been pursuing you since before you were born.
Signing off,
Muffingirl620