How Tim Keller's 'The Meaning of Marriage' Impacts Singles

Confidence mixed with caution, I held my rose-petaled bouquet like it was my mission. Shoulders back, chin lifted, and core tight, my Carolina blue dress rhythmically swayed to the dancing breeze of the instrumental music. Since the bride selected me to be her first bridesmaid to walk down the aisle, all eyes were on me. No pressure, right?

Hidden behind my confident stride was a cautious fear of rolling my ankle. While I have a dance background, I am notorious for rolling my ankles, tripping and falling. I promise I’m graceful on stage. I was also well aware that wedges and nature did not mix. Nervously smiling, I shifted my gaze every so often from the wedding guests to the countless acorns, sticks, and rocks in the grass. Only a few more steps, Ash, you can do it!

Ashley Tripp was NOT about to "trip" down the aisle.

Once I successfully made it to my designated spot, I silently shouted an Oscar-worthy congratulatory speech to myself. I wonder if the wedding guests could read, "First Time Bridesmaid" written across my forehead, especially with the sweat stains already dampening in my armpits.

Don't lock your legs, Ash, and for goodness sakes, don't pass out. You’ve got this!

As I stood shoulder to shoulder with my fellow bridesmaids, my perspective allowed me to see every expression on the groom's face throughout the ceremony. His infectious laughter, honest tears, and assertive vows exuded passion and romance.

I shifted my gaze from the groom to the back of the bride. As I admired the back of her dress, I pictured what the bride’s reactions looked like as the groom read his vows. I prayed silently, interlacing my fingers on the stems of the bouquet. Breathing deeply, I cried out to God in three simple, honest words: "I want this."

As someone who has been single their entire life, the idea of being in a relationship, let alone marriage, feels so distant for me. And yet, I deeply desire a husband, for better or for worse. This specific want cuts so much deeper than a diamond cut on an engagement ring. I want:

• A best friend to challenge me in my faith.

• A partner to grow together in the gospel.

• A protector to point out my sins.

• A companion to love me unconditionally.

• A teammate to cheer and champion me in my hopes and dreams.

Ultimately, I desire a husband who will selflessly strive to love me as Jesus loves me, inspiring me to be the person God created me to be.

About a month after Keira and Tanner's rose garden ceremony, I randomly selected Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage off my roommate's bookshelf. My curiosity lead me wondering what the author's perspectives were on this sought-after subject.

Four pages into the introduction, Keller spoke directly to me:

“My main rationale was that single people today need a brutally realistic yet glorious vision of what marriage is and can be... Single people cannot live their lives well as singles without a balanced, informed view of marriage. If they do not have that, they will either over-desire or under-desire marriage.”

God's whispers permeated throughout all eight chapters as I inhaled every word like salted buttery popcorn at a midnight movie premiere. Several pen marks and 240 pages later, Keller supplied me with a wealth of knowledge on:

• The Secret of Marriage

• The Power of Marriage

• The Essence of Marriage

• The Mission of Marriage

• Loving the Stranger

• Embracing the Other

• Singleness and Marriage

• Sex and Marriage

If you're single and desire marriage like me, the aisle can feel less like a red carpet and more like The Green Mile, or as Keller puts it "a purgatory, where you live waiting for your real life to begin, or a worst a misery." Your craving for marriage may even feel like that craving we ALL get on Sunday’s for Chick-fil-A or the craving for a Krispy Kreme Doughnut only to discover the red neon “Hot Now” sign is no longer glowing. We desire marriage, and yet the journey of singleness can feel unattainable, disappointing, impossible even.

But ladies, we must have faith and trust in God's timing. I have to remind myself daily to be joyful always and give thanks for where God has me at this very moment, even if my ring finger looks a little lonely.

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. Psalm 84:11

The way we view marriage can impact the rest of our lives, single or married. So, let us dive deeper into the meaning of marriage by incorporating a few of Keller's profound quotes into our season of waiting:

1. You've Got a Friend in Me

Screen first for friendship. Look for someone who understands you better than you do yourself, who makes you a better person by just being around them. And then explore whether that friendship could become a romance and a marriage.

2. Build Me Up Buttercup

If we look to our spouses to fill up our tanks in a way that only God can do, we are demanding an impossibility... We should be neither overly elated by getting married nor overly disappointed by not being so- because Christ is the only spouse that can truly fulfill us and God's family the only family that will truly embrace and satisfy us.

3. Come Together

God's concern is not about marrying outside of one's race but outside one's faith.

4. Blank Space

My wife, Kathy, often says that most people, when they are looking for a spouse, are looking for a finished statue when they should be looking for a wonderful block of marble. Not so you can create the kind of person you want, but rather because you see what kind of person Jesus is making.

5. True Colors

[Marriage] doesn't create your weaknesses (though you may blame your spouse for your blow-ups)- it reveals them... You must realize that it isn't ultimately your spouse who is exposing the sinfulness of your heart- it's marriage itself. Marriage does not so much bring you into confrontation with your spouse as confront you with yourself.

6. Found Upon A Rock

Imagine a house with an A-frame structure. The two sides of the home meet at the top and hold one another up. But underneath, the foundation holds up both sides. So the covenant with and before God strengthens the partners to make a covenant with each other. Marriage is therefore the deepest of human covenants.