Dating Apps: Part I

Refusing to take another step further, my footprints sank deeper into the sand.

A crowd of college boys each held a cold beer in one hand and a numbered piece of paper in the other. As the girls in front of me strolled right past them, the guys held up their scores, rating them on a scale of 1-10 based on their looks.

It was Spring Break 2010, otherwise known as SBX, in Panama City Beach, Florida.

One night, in particular, my sorority sisters and I decided to go dancing at the place where MTV Spring Break has made its home for the past decade: Club La Vela, aka "the largest nightclub in the USA and Spring Break headquarters of the world."

After a few hours of dancing, or rather trying to avoid eye contact with creepers, I made my way to the bar. All of a sudden, a tall, dark and handsome... stranger came up to me out of nowhere and asked if I had a boyfriend. 

No introduction. No "Hi, my name's so and so, what's your name?" Nope, he just went straight to the relationship status. I thought up a lie and thought it up quick.

Me: Yeah, sorry.

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Stranger: That's too bad because I want to f*** the sh** out of you right now.

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Me: Oh wow, I've never had anyone say that to me before.

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Stranger: (Laughs) Well is he here? We could go back to my hotel. It's spring break and anything can happen.

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Me: I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend.

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True story friends. 

That was the first time I was ever offered sex, and from a total stranger. Still in shock, I hurriedly made my way through the club in search of my sorority sisters, cautiously avoiding the Trojan condom packs dispersed along the floor.

Fast-forward to several years later, I'm sitting in my corner chair searching for "dating apps" on my iPhone. Why not?

New Year. Same status.

Within five minutes, I downloaded "Coffee Meets Bagel" and deleted the app. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't see myself rating guys based on their looks and scoring coffee beans to earn more points. All I could think about was those college guys scoring girls on the beach.

But my friends have said they've met quality guys through online dating. So, what's holding me back? (Or rather, not being able to keep a profile for longer than five minutes.)

A. Pride

B. Fear

C. Control

D. Vulnerability

E. All the above.

You guessed it: E. All the above.

Going on a date with a matched profile is a step of faith. But so is going on a date with someone whom I've met in person. Even though I didn't feel comfortable "liking" someone's online profile, I often found myself subconsciously swiping right at guys in public settings and impulsively rating them based on their looks.

I guess the final question I have to ask myself is, "Am I willing to allow God to work through me if I choose to follow-through with online dating?"

There is absolutely nothing wrong with online dating. It just may or may not be for me. But am I willing to give it a try? Am I willing to let go of my fear, pride, control, and vulnerability and allow God to shine through me and be glorified in whatever way I choose to date?

And then came my trip to New York City in the spring.

From Bow Bridge to Bethesda Terrace, scenes of Amy Adams singing "That's How You Know" from Disney's Enchanted popped into my head. Smiling, I mentally noted to watch that movie as soon as I arrived back in Atlanta.

Throughout my Sunday stroll in Central Park, I noticed countless couples holding hands, completely captivated by each other's company. It was as if they had no set agenda, no destination, simply walking just to walk.

My smile slightly faded. I tucked back the strands of my hair. Inhale. Exhale.

Jesus, you know the desires of my heart. I pray for someone not only to hold my hand, but to take my hand.

And that's when I decided to give online dating apps a try.

"Do one thing every day that scares you." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Let the swiping commence...

• Wait, didn't this guy go to my high school?

• Aww this guy has a dog... oh wait, so does every other guy on this app.

• Don't I know this guy from MIDDLE SCHOOL?

• Bama Grad? Swipe right. Auburn Grad? Swipe Le... ehh he seems legit, I'll swipe right.

• Oh snap, I know this guy from church.

• Bedroom selfie, Car selfie, bathroom mirror and gym mirror selfie... MAKE IT STOP!

• Are you seriously trying to win me over with your cat?

• Is that your ex in your photos? Why?

• I get it, you like alcohol. Every picture you have is of you holding some sort of drink.

• Is this a professional headshot photo?

• OH HAYY, this guy says he loves Jesus. Swipe right.

• "Boom! You've got a connection," the app notified me. 

Oh crap, this is the dating app where I have to start the conversation first. Hmm. What should I say? Well, this grizzly bear waving gif seems kinda cute. Okay, boom. there it is. Done. Boy, do I feel exposed.

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Hours go by and not one guy I've made a "connection with" responds to my grizzly bear gif. Way to go, Ash. I should have said something cheesy like, "Are you a magician? Because when I see you, everyone else disappears." No, that's dumb. Stick to the grizzly bear.

And then I started to question why I chose to download the app:

• Was it because I saw all those couples holding hands in Central Park and wanted the same comfort?

• Was it because I lacked patience in God's timing?

• Was it because I desired affirmation from a guy's swipe right and not God's unfailing love? Was it because I wasn't "content in my singleness?"

Dear Jesus,

Guide and direct my steps as I sift through these online profiles. Give me eyes to see these men NOT as objects, but as people whom you have created. My value and worth comes from you and you alone. God, your ways are higher, your thoughts are deeper. Help me to take a step of faith, trusting in your plans, knowing that nothing can thwart your will and purpose for me. It's in you and you alone whom I find the greatest fulfillment and joy.

Amen.

Ultimately, I chose to give online dating a try because, I wanted to challenge myself in an area I lacked experience in. God knows the desires of my heart, so why not go for it and leave the results up to Him?

However, something I need to be aware of as I swipe left and right is that I must guard my heart and remind myself that marriage is not the end goal. God has not promised a husband for me. He's promised me something better: Jesus. I must remember that my hope is found in Jesus and that my ultimate purpose in life is to glorify God and to make Him known; not marriage.

Ding.

I received my first notification from a Bumble connection. A guy actually responded to my grizzly bear gif. 

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